Nicholas Zakas' Personal Blog A deviation from my usual tech writing

Why you’re not my Facebook friend

In the beginning, there was MySpace, and it was good. Okay, maybe not good, per se, but its usage pattern was simple. Create a page with stuff that you want everyone in the world to see, including but not limited to animated backgrounds, music videos of your favorite artists, and pictures of you and your friends. Being a "friend" on MySpace was more like being someone's fan, and so you acted accordingly. And if you didn't, well, you were dumb and things went south for you very quickly.

The next generation of social networks were quite different than MySpace's "anything goes" policy. In the triumverate of  Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook, we now have purposeful social networks that have characteristics designed specifically for their intended usage.

Twitter is very public (unless you choose for it to be private), but minimal harm can be done 140 characters at a time...unless you're a professional athlete. Posting something on Twitter is generally akin to saying something over the loud speaker in a crowded mall. You want random people you don't know to care about what you're saying. I'm not sure Twitter could have come up with a more appropriate term than "follow" to describe how people are connected on the network. It really is a place for fans and groupies to keep tabs on interesting, funny, famous, or (insert another adjective here) people.

LinkedIn is interesting because it straddles the line of personal and public information. We all have resumes floating out there with our personal information on it. Of course, as these are used for professional matters, we're very careful about the included information. There will be no photos of us at the beach attached to our resumes, unless of course you're an actor or model, in which case you're not reading this post anyway. Since the focus of LinkedIn is to build professional relationships, the entire site is focused around your resume and the information it reveals. No one is going onto LinkedIn to chat but you will receive emails from recruiters and updates about colleagues, both current and former, and what they're doing in their careers. Useful stuff if you're serious about your own career.

I consider Facebook to be the most private of the three social networks. You can't see information about anyone that's not a friend unless they specifically enable it (opposite of the MySpace model), and even so, the focus is less on your personal information and more on what you're doing. Facebook is about keeping tabs on people you already know moreso than meeting new people, and it does that very well.

Since more or less everyone is on these three networks, it's not uncommon to receive requests to follow, connect, or friend someone on every single one. Since I'm moderately geek-famous (or geek-infamous, to some), I get a lot of requests from pretty much everyone. This led me to create my own rules for who I'll allow to connect with me on various networks.

First and foremost, Twitter is my public voice (follow me at @slicknet). I say things on Twitter that are mostly related to web development, software, and other geek topics since I know most of my followers found me through my books or talks. My Twitter stream is completely public and I know enough not to say anything that will get me in trouble (most of the time, anyways). You, your mom, your cousins, your boyfriend, your spouse, they're all welcome to follow me on Twitter.

LinkedIn is a bit different. I do use this to keep in touch with people who are related to my career. I don't accept LinkedIn invites from just anyone, though. Basically, I accept if one of the following is true:

• If I've worked with you at a company and we had a good working relationship.
• If I've met you at some professional event, such as a conference, and we had a non-trivial discussion.
• If we've only ever conversed through electronic means and I respect your work.
• If you helped me find a job at some point.

To me, accepting a connection on LinkedIn is similar to writing you a recommendation. That means I don't accept invites from people I've never met, and I definitely don't accept invites from random recruiters who send me generic intro emails. I'm sorry, I also don't accept invites from fans.

Facebook is the most private for me. There is just one way you become a friend of mine on Facebook: if you're someone that I'd invite over to my place for a party. That's it. If I wouldn't invite you to my place, you're not my Facebook friend. Yes, that means the number of Facebook friends I have is shockingly low (currently 138, though if I looked closely, I bet I could get that number to be even lower), and I like it that way. The types of things I post on Facebook are personal and intended for the eyes of people that I trust. This means that I don't accept friend requests from fans of my work (please follow me on Twitter!) and it also means that I don't accept friend requests from random people from my past. Just because we went to elementary, middle, or high school together doesn't automatically mean I'll accept your request.

Becoming my friend on Facebook means that you're a part of my life in some meaningful way or else you're a really hot girl (boy, that's gonna get me in trouble, but hey, just being honest!). Just because you were a part of my life one, five, ten, or more years ago doesn't mean that you're going to be a part of it now. Co-workers are always tough, but I still follow the same general rule about inviting them over. If I wouldn't invite them over, then they're not my Facebook friend.

I hope everyone can understand that this is the way I need to manage my digital social life to keep myself sane and also to be prudent about what information I share in which forum. We all have ways of dealing with our lives, and this is mine, so please don't take offense if I don't accept your connection of friend request. I'm just trying to keep the dividing lines in my life very clear for my own benefit and the benefit of those with whom I'm close.